


A Chat on Titan

by 20Nintegafan04



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angry Eren Yeager, Character's Name Spelled as Jaeger, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Eren Yeager Has Anger Issues, Eren Yeager is a Little Shit, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Oblivious Eren Yeager, Sasha Blouse Being Sasha Blouse, Shiganshina Trio
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25637053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/20Nintegafan04/pseuds/20Nintegafan04
Summary: The 104th cadets are placed into a group chat. Hilarity ensuesFeaturing:Eren ranting about titans.The Shiganshina trio being the B O I S (and girl)Oblivious Eren (unless it's Jean towards Mikasa)Jean and Eren fightingSasha and foodJean simping for Mikasa and Eren responding appropriately... by beating the shit out of JeanAnd so much more
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Sasha Blouse/Food
Comments: 7
Kudos: 125





	1. Welcome to the 104th

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome everyone to this shitshow, i only got into this series a few days ago and i'm HOOKED.  
> Quick note: This takes place during training, so there won't be any appearances from the Levi squad and any of the other characters introduced later on, also anyone who died at Trost is also absent except Marco.  
> 2/10/2020 Rewrite: CHAPTERS 1-3 HAVE BEEN/WILL BE REWRITTEN. CHANGES as follows:  
> Eren and Mikasa's relationship is no longer a sibling relationship (It's EreMika but Eren has chronic dumbass syndrome and doesn't realise it, thus some references to a sibling relationship will be kept. IT WILL NOT BE THE PRIMARY FOCUS, ITS MAINLY PRESENT FOR THE PURPOSE OF THE CHARACTERs TAKING THE PISS OUT OF EREN AS USUAL  
> Jaeger is now spelled as Jäeger

_ Bot created a group chat titled: 104th Cadet Corps. _

_ Bot added: Eren Jäeger, Mikasa Ackermann, Armin Arlert, Jean Kirschtein, Sasha Braus, Connie Springer, Marco Bodt, Reiner Braun, Bertholdt Hoover, Annie Leonhart, Christa Lenz, Ymir, _

Bot: The purpose of this chat is for communication between members of the 104th Cadet Corps, you will not be monitored on what is said here.

Bot: You will be required to introduce yourselves to one another.

Bot: Names have been shortened for the sake of simplicity.

_ Bot has left the chat _

Armin: Uhh, what is this?

Jean: Who made this?

Eren: Probs shadis.

Connie: Wouldn't put that past him, he forced potato girl to run all day

Marco: That seems a bit harsh.

Reiner: Shouldn't have eaten the potato then.

Sasha: SHUT UP

Eren: How the hell are you texting if you're supposed to be running?

Sasha: I'm not.

Connie: Bruh shadis gonna kill you.

Bertholdt: So should we not introduce ourselves like the bot said?

Reiner: Might as well, alphabetical from first name.

Armin: Guess i'm first then.

Armin: I'm Armin Arlert and I like books.

Eren: We know that. Who's next.

Armin: No, you do, they don't

Reiner: It's Annie i think

Armin: Wait shouldn't she have gone first.

Annie: If somebody didn't rush in i would have.

Annie: My name is annie and i don't care.

Bertholdt: ...Okay then, I'm up next. I'm Bertholdt Hoover and i hope we can all be friends

Connie: Boring, Christa can you hurry up so i can go.

Ymir: Shut up buzz cut.

Connie: Fuck you.

Ymir: Do it pussy

Christa: Please don't fight. Anyway my name is Christa and I am excited to get to know you.

Connie: ok cool I'm Connie Springer and i wanna fuckin die.

Annie: Amen

Bertholdt: Okay Eren you're up next.

Bertholdt: Eren?

Jean: Oi Jäeger.

Armin: He said he went for a piss but that basically means he's somewhere raging about titans again.

Reiner:...

Armin: We'll skip him for now, so who's next?

Jean: So i'm Jean and i am going to work in the military police, because i am awesome.

Connie: We already knew that, you said it when shadis headbutted you, who's next?

Marco: I believe it's me.

Marco: My name is Marco Bodt and i have a desire to serve the king and join the military police, i hope we all get along well.

Connie: Oh great another nice guy. Who's next.

Mikasa: Me.

Reiner: SHE SPEAKS!

Connie: Didn't think she could.

Jean: Has she even spoken to anyone here?

Sasha: I think i saw her talking to Eren before.

Mikasa: You done?

Connie: That is two words of text and i already feel threatened.

Mikasa: My name is Mikasa Ackermann, i joined the cadets with the purpose of serving alongside Eren.

Reiner: ...Okay then. My turn.

Reiner: My name is Reiner Braun and joined because i want to return to my hometown in Wall Maria.

Marco: That's very noble of you Reiner, Sasha's up next then.

Sasha: YAY FINALLY! OKAY SO MY NAME IS SASHA BRAUS, I'M FROM DAUPER AND I LOOOOOVE FOOD.

Connie: Yeah no shit

Jean: Alright Ymir is up next.

Ymir: My name is Ymir and i couldn't care less about any of you except Christa

Eren: ok simp

Armin: eREN NO

Ymir: I will hit you.

Mikasa: Watch yourself.

Jean: Fucking finally Jäeger, hurry up and introduce yourself.

Armin: This may take a while

Jean: Seriously?!

Eren: My name is Eren Jäeger and when i was 10 i saw my mom get eaten by a grinning fuckass titan and now i want to KILL ALL OF THOSE TALL FUCKERS I WILL SLAUGHTER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM EVEN IF I GET EATEN I WILL DESTROY THAT BITCH FROM THE INSIDE EVEN IF IT MEANS I HAVE TO BOIL IN THEIR STOMACH ACID I SWEAR THAT I WILL FUCKING SHANK ANY TITAN I SEE BECAUSE THOSE BITCHES ARE WHAT KEEPS ME FROM GOING BEYOND THOSE FUCKING SHITTY WALLS AND SEEING THE OUTSIDE SO I SWORE THAT I WOULD FUCKING. END. THOSE. PRICKS.

Jean:…

Reiner: Yo u good?

Armin: He's fine this is happens every week, unless somebody mentions titans because he just starts spontaneously rants

Eren: Ok im good now

Marco: Guys the bell just rang we have to get to the mess hall.


	2. Jean "Horse-faced Simp" Kirschtein Vs. Eren "Fuck Titans" Jäeger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean simps in the mess hall, gets cockblocked, called a horse, called a simp, and makes people think Eren wants to bang his "sister"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's a little late, i just kept adding shit  
> Also i experimented with difrerent styles of typing, probably gonna stick to this one

Reiner: what the hell just happened?

Connie: eren was talking about titans and jean said some shit about being an MP and eren got pissed

Connie: fucker walked out with the fakest apology ive ever seen

Bertholdt: I wasn't expecting a fight to happen so quickly, something tells me this will be a recurring thing.

Armin: If Jean is going for the MPs, probably. Eren HATES the MPs, he thinks they're cowards.

Marco: I beg to differ

Christa: I hope nobody else fights, we should all just get along.

_Ymir renamed Christa to Goddess_

Goddess: YMIR!

Ymir: dont deny it

Ymir: also anyone just see what happened with jean and mikasa, he stared at her for like 5 seconds, tried to flirt and she just swerved him to talk to jäeger

Connie: bruh jean complimented mikasas hair and not 30 seconds later did she say she'd cut it because eren said she should

Connie: fucker just wipes his hand on my shirt and said he wiped his "faith in humanity". 

Reiner: first day and eren has already cockblocked jean without realising

Jean: SHUT UP ITS NOT FUNNY

Bertholdt: I'm worried this is gonna become some kind of love triangle

Jean: hope not bc i'm gonna be the one to tap that

Jean: jäeger got no chance by the time i'm done.

Armin: …

  
  


**_DM BETWEEN EREN JÄEGER AND ARMIN ARLERT_ **

Armin: Jean flirted with mikasa

Eren: …

Eren: …

Eren: Hold on a sec

  
  
  


**_104th Cadet Corps_ **

Armin: This food looks disgusting

Ymir: suck it up we have to

Connie: SASHA STOP STEALING MY SHIT OFF MY PLATE I STG

Sasha: GIVE MEE YOUR FOOD 

Annie: you have a problem

Reiner: annie why you inactive as shit

Annie: because fuck you thats why

Marco: Guys can we not fight in this chat please

Jean: too late marco

_Connie changed Sasha's name to Potatogirl_

_Potatogirl changed Connie's name to Baldy_

Baldy: first of all fuck you sasha

Ymir: ;)

Baldy: no.

Baldy: second. jean is staring at mikasa again.

Jean: She's walking over to my table.

Reiner: BRUH SHE LITERALLY WALKED UP TO HIS TABLE, SAID NO AND SAT AT ARMINS TABLE.

Jean: Shit

_Mikasa changed Jean's name to Horse._

Reiner: yk what i see the resemblence.

Horse: fUCK OFF REINER

Armin: Oh hey Eren's back.

_Eren changed Horse's name to Simp_

Armin: eREN NOO.

Simp: WHAT THE FUCK JÄEGER

Baldy: OMG ITS TRUE THO

Potatogirl: SHIT IT ACC IS

Eren: back off of mikasa horse face

Simp: FUCK YOU COCKBLOCKER

Eren: THEN DONT GO AFTER MIKASA WHEN THE ONLY THING YOU SAID TO HER BEFOREHAND WAS NEIGH

Simp: BITCH I AM NOT A HORSE WHO ARE U TO DECIDE WHO I CAN FLIRT WITH, I WANNA TAP THAT

Eren: I HAVE A FUCKING KNIFE I STG BACK OFF MY SISTER

Reiner: "Sister"?

Reiner: You sure about that Jäeger.

Ymir: jäeger wtf

Baldy: eren if mikasa is your sister then u trynna get with ur sister?

Baldy: u trynna bang ur sister?

Eren: eW WTF NO

Eren: IM TELLING JEAN TO FUCK OFF BC HES TRYNNA GET WITH MY SISTER NOT BC I WANNA

Potatogirl: u sure

Armin: Eren, you're my best friend, but even I know that's not true 

Eren: FUCK OFF ARMIN I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT BANG MEANS.

Ymir: bruh

  
  
  


_Simp changed their name to Jean_

_Eren changed Jean's name to Horse_

_Horse changed their name to Jean_

_Eren changed Jean's name to Horse_

_Horse changed their name to Jean_

_Eren changed Jean's name to Horse_

_Horse changed their name to Jean_

_Eren changed Jean's name to Horse_

Horse: FUCK YOU JÄEGER.

Reiner: jean if you did bang mikasa then wouldnt eren tecnhically be your brother in law

Horse: ...fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought!


	3. What the fuck is a sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is curious about what sex is, hilarity ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also featuring the introduction of the shiganshina grouo chat

**_SHIGANSHINA TRIO_ **

Eren: armin

Eren: armin

Eren: armin

Eren: armin

Eren: armin

Eren: armin

Armin: What

Eren: i walked past reiner and jean earlier talking about 'sex'

Eren: why were they talking about genders

Armin: Are-

Armin: Are you being serious

Eren: Yes

Armin: I-

Armin: Just ask them then

Eren: aight

Mikasa: what is eren talking about

Armin: He wanted to know what sex is

Mikasa: I also don't know so i couldn't help

Armin: Am i the only smart one in this fucking trio

Mikasa: I meant to ask Dr. Jäeger but y'know

Armin: Oh shit yeah

  
  


**_DM BETWEEN EREN JÄEGER AND REINER BRAUN_ **

Eren: Reiner

Eren: Reiner

Eren: Reiner

Reiner: what do you want eren

Eren: what's sex

Reiner: You are fifteen and you don't know what sex is?

Eren: should i

Reiner: Yes. Wasn't your dad a doctor

Eren: yes but he didnt tell me about sex

Reiner: sina eren, not my job to tell you

Eren: fine ill ask horseface then since he clearly knows

Eren: shit he has me blocked.

Eren: ill just ask him in the gc then

Reiner: Eren no-

  
  


**_104th Cadet Corps_ **

Eren: oi @jean

Horse: fuck do you want jäeger

Eren: already tried asking armin and reiner but they wont tell me, what the fuck is sex

Horse: @everyone

Ymir: why the fuck did you ping me 

Ymir: wait what the fuck

Ymir: jäeger are you retarded

Armin: Eren, why the hell would you ask in the group chat?

Eren: because jean had me blocked

Reiner: tried to stop him

Potatogirl: this is gold

Baldy: It fucking is

Horse: EREN DOESNT KNOW WHAT SEX IS IM CACKLING

Annie: we can hear you in the other room

Eren: first of all sounds more like neighing, second, will SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK A SEX IS

Horse: "A SEX." BRUH

Armin: Eren just-

Armin: Get the fuck in the shiganshina group chat i'll tell you

Eren: FUCKING FINALLY

Armin: You coming Mikasa?

Mikasa: I will just read it later.

Potatogirl: wait why do you want to know mikasa?

Mikasa: i also do not know

Ymir: Seriously

Horse: I-

Horse: I could show you mikasa

Potatogirl: EW JEAN

Ymir: lmao fuckin perv

Goddess: That's rude Jean.

Eren: I have returned.

Eren: I didn't realise that sex just means intercourse

Baldy: are you fucking serious eren

Eren: yes.

Eren: also jean

Horse: what eren

Eren: run

Baldy: eren just ran into our cabin with a fuckin knife and jean ran out the window.

Ymir: he had it coming, perv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2/10/20 update: I'm back gamers
> 
> I decided not to go ahead with Misadvenures of the 104th just yet, college has me swamped and chatfics are easier to write, i'm going to do some reworking of this story to fit more in line with what Misadventures would be, when i'm done rewriting, the first chapters notes will include a list of changes


	4. Jean's "Big Tiddy magazine" & Marco's Cucumber

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again.
> 
> So if it wasn't obvious, i've set this story aside while i work on my main story: The Jäger Siblings.
> 
> But while my PC keyboard is broken, i'll take some time to work on this until it's fixed.
> 
> Also, character name spellings will be adjusted to be in line with TJS. Nicknames have also been reverted
> 
> Enjoy the return of the shitshow.

Armin: Jean… Shadis conducted a bunk search, why do you have a magazine titled "Big Tiddy Anime Girls?"

Ymir: JESUESH CHRIST KIRSTEIN

Connie: LMFAO WTF JEAN

Reiner: OH MY GOD THIS IS GOLD, I WAS WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO FIND THAT.

Jean: ARMIN WHY DID YOU TELL THEM HERE?

Eren: OF COURSE THE SIMP HAS THE BIG TIDDY MAGAZINE

Jean: I AM NOT A FUCKIJNG SIMP, WHEN HAVE I EVER SIMPED

Bertolt: I don't mean to be rude but i have a list

Mikasa: He is.

Sasha: LMAO 

Eren: I hereby proclaim thee Jean Kirstein, King of Simps.

Connie: EREN JFC IM GONNA PISS MYSELF.

Sasha: I ALREADY DID

Eren: Ew go clean that nasty shit

Reiner: Since when do you care about hygiene

Eren: My dad was a doctor i know what dirty shit does to a mf.

Ymir: Dirty like dirt or Jean

Jean: FUCK OFF YMIR

Mikasa: Both are the same.

Connie: If you listen closely you can hear Jean dying

Armin: I think i physically felt that

Reiner: Me too, it's like when you get kicked in the balls and every male within a 5 mile radius feels it.

* * *

  
  


Eren: why the fuck is there a jar of pickles under one of the beds.

Marco: Oh those were mine, i thought my cucumber jar was missing.

Ymir: Why the hell do you have a cucumber jar

Marco: Because… i like cucumbers

Eren: Cucumbers? But these are pickles?

Eren: Wait…

Eren:

Eren: I'm only gonna ask once.

Eren: Who's been fucking themselves with a cucumber.

Connie: OMFG WHOMST?

Annie: It was Sasha.

Sasha: WHAT NO IT WASN'T

Mikasa: It was.

Jean: Of fucking course it was.

Marco: But why on my cucumber?

Reiner: Marco, i would like you to read what you just typed.

Marco: Oh wait i didn't mean that!

Eren: Sasha x cucumber confirmed ??

Connie: Confirmed!

Sasha: STOPPP

Eren: Nah

Sasha: I DIDN'T I SWEAR

Bertolt: No offense Sasha, but i literally overheard you last night.

Eren: Marco is cuck confirm ??

Eren: No wait that's Jean

Ymir: Both a cuck and a simp, sucks to suck Kirstein

Reiner: Or in his case, not suck.

Jean: FUCK ALL OF YOU

Eren: No you don't

Jean: FUCK YOU ESPECIALLY JÄGER

Ymir: You would.

Eren: WHAT WAS THAT!?

Connie: We can all smell the sexual tension.

Eren: FUCK YOU BALDY

Reiner: Cheating on Mikasa AND Jean? For shame Eren.

Eren: REINER STOP!

Armin: I can physically hear him screaming.


	5. Eren the Coom Eater & Reiner spilling the beans

Ymir: Dead on the inside rn

Christa: Ymir?

Reiner: Dead on the outside too.

Jean: Dead on my head.

Marco: Dead on my left

Eren: Lmao foreshadowing

Armin: What?

Eren: What?

Marco: I've no idea what's going on but I tried.

Bertolt: And we appreciate that Marco.

Christa: Yes, we all do.

Connie: Aight, enough sappy shit, I've made a discovery.

Sasha: King Cummer brings news!

Jean: Holup, what is he king of?

Connie: Ragako.

Eren: Is this about the pickle jar again?

Sasha: SHUT UP ABOUT THAT!

Mikasa: Or the other jar?

Jean: Other jar?

Connie: Yes, Jean, the other jar

Eren: What other jar?

Eren: Wait, you mean is fucking mayo jar?

Reiner: Oh that ain't mayo

Jean: REINER I WILL FUCKING WRING YOUR NECK

Reiner: It's cum.

Eren: ...what?

Eren: Brb, gonna throw up now.

Ymir: Wait he thought it was mayo? 

Ymir: HAS EREN BEEN USING JEAN'S CUM JAR AS MAYO?

Ymir: I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA PISS MYSELF LAUGHING!

Reiner: Careful, Eren might think it's mustard.

Eren: REINER YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!

Eren: I WILL FUCKING DOXX YOU!

Reiner: How? We live in the same barrack?

Reiner: Or are you referring to the fact that I'm the Armosreuhznaghtitbsnaa-

Annie: Reiner is dead for the next hour. Do not ask him what he was about to say.

Sasha: F's for our boy.

Connie: F

Jean: F 

Christa: F

Armin: F

Eren: Fuck that bitch I hope he puts a gun to the roof of his mouth in 854 but the building gets kicked by a blond kid.

Armin: That's oddly specific

Ymir: Also, the cum eater's back.

Eren: GO FUCK YOURSELF AND GET EATEN BY SOME COCKY SLICKHAIRED BLOND MOTHERFUCKER.

Ymir: Nah

Reiner: Sounds like Porcoiebaha-

Annie: I swear to fucking god Reiner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back on my bullshit

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought  
> Also, next chapter i'm bringing in the nicknames bois!


End file.
